Negotiating for a Better Relationship

Finding the one true love earlier in life is a special thing. If you build a relationship that will last both your lifetimes, it means more treasured memories of each other than if you met each other late in your life. This is something any girl or boy who's about to start a relationship should envision. A lifetime partner that has been with you since teenage years. Photos of you together and of the many moments you've shared solidifies the seal of love and belonging each time you revisit the memory lane.

For sometime already, people tend to start relationships a bit earlier. But doing it for experimentation or out of tad curiosity sometimes leads to either a long unsettled life or to an immediate settling down with, take note: the right or wrong partner.

Relationships can be started early for as long as there is maturity in their commitment. I also think that before any relationship hatch into something more serious each partner should have been done sorting their goals in life first. Having said that, I move on. I have serious advice for those young couples who are on the right track.

Love is sweeter than honey. Don't make it go stale or bitter. The younger you are, the more years you need to survive being together. It takes much work considering every adjustments you need to make. Transitions from immaturity on certain aspects take time to happen which of course creates conflicts when you are always not on the same page on something. Keep the love sweet by accepting mistakes, apologizing and making up to whatever fault.

Beforehand, you must have good communication. Communicating your feelings to each other matters a lot. And it must not only start the minute the first quarrel or conflict happens rather it must start at the beginning of the relationship. It's a bit sad that for some, from the beginning till the end of their relationship, it didn't happen at all. A cousin's advice stuck to me. She said that when you start a relationship you must negotiate your freedom. Here's the context of that negotiation:

You need to make sure that your partner will let you keep your individuality.
You need to make your partner understand that even though a relationship unites the two of you, you still have differences and preferences. But in order for him/her to get your whole idea of individuality, you should let your partner know who you really are, especially your weaknesses. I have had trouble in the past about clumsiness and forgetfulness. So things like that should be made known. You need to point out your flaws and state that you need a partner's understanding, and patience and cooperation to help you fix certain things like that. Someone so dear to me, had a meningitis in the past which made her lose some domestic skills (cooking, colors, etc)  and made her a bit forgetful. But her husband was so accepting and patient and loving that it didn't matter at all that she couldn't cook or would even forget how things look. She phones her mom just to ask what an eggplant looked like while she's in the grocery. She cooked a meal without chopping string beans. Her husband laughed with her and still loved her for making the effort for him. This what I'm saying. Your partner should know who you are first. 

You need to discuss what you both want to be changed.
It is one of the most common first conflicts in relationships; the sudden enforcement of changes. Don't surprise each other with the do's and don't list. Talk about it before anything else. Because the earlier you got into a fight with each other about this, the easier it is to say that the relationship was such a bad idea after all... so there goes the supposedly wonderful life together... down the drain.

Make a partnership out of the relationship.
Seal your pact to help each other out, understand each other, sometimes tolerate each other etc more than anyone could and more than you would anyone. This is important. I had seen cases wherein a woman gets depressed by the fact that the partner gives more importance to friends. She says he speaks nicely to others than to her. Now there's the picture of a love gone stale or bitter.  Perhaps maybe she didn't negotiate about her freedom or that she didn't warn him of her flaws but more so they didn't have the talk before they jumped into the relationship. Make sure that you vow to keep each other special. Conflicts happen to any couple. It happens but it shouldn't destroy what you built together. 

Relationship is a commitment you undertake. It's not always about love. Don't make it start with all love and no serious talk.


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